I know. Another self-indulgent written reflection of my personal issues dealing with post concussion syndrome. At what point does a concussion go “post” anyway? The second after bashing your head into a two-by-four? Was it still a concussion a week later or was that the beginning of “post”? I digress…
The first week back at work has come and gone. I slipped on the golden handcuffs and dutifully fulfilled my obligations for compensation. I had the joys of looking forward to Friday again like the rest of the cubicle drones.
Except when the herd left the corral and went to their after work recreations I came home and went to sleep. Immediately.
Unfortunately the drive to and fro is about 30 minutes too long. The morning drive at 6AM, sharp don’t you know, is not as cumbersome as what awaits at the end of the day. I travel all day on foot or otherwise with a low-grade unwelcome headache. For whatever reason I can manage to drive into work without too much trouble. The traffic is scarce. The office is empty until 8AM. I can stumble into my office, turn on the desk lamp (I’m the cave boy who refuses overhead florescence, concussion or not) and let things settle back to my new normal. An hour later people start coming in and pretty much forget about me for another half hour while they boot up their computers and congregate in the caffeine trough.
The rest of the day can be up or down. Monday was better than Tuesday. Wednesday my boss asked if I was okay because she didn’t think much about my appearance on Tuesday. I told her “Tuesday was not a good day”. She thought as much. Thursday was better than today. Today I came home at noon and slept for four hours. Today was not a good day.
Half way through my drive home, every. single. day. this week, my headache increased. Like there was a little knob an invisible diminutive douche bag kept turning up on the side of my head all the way home.
Next week I have already told my boss I’m taking a vacation day on Friday. Shorten that week, then shorten the next with the holiday. I have to pace my existence.
Earlier I began shopping for bicycle components that I was planning on purchasing before the crash. I am not planning to make this headache and dizziness a lifestyle choice. I miss being fit and having stamina. Having something to look forward to, a goal, will keep me centered as I deal with the post part of concussion syndrome. Otherwise, I can see how after a while people just give up and get depressed. I used to be active. Now I’m not. I can’t think that this is it. Though it’s easy to think it will be. It just seems like it never ends. I have to keep thinking that tomorrow is the day I wake up and there will be no headache. Next week is the week I get on an exercise machine and not get dizzy.
Now, do I get 172mm cranks or 175mm…?