Congratulations screen tappers. A new version of the iPhone is set to be released with all kinds of new lower case ‘i’ functions and applications. For you dumbshits like me who bought an iPhone not 6 months ago you are now the proud owner of basic crap. The geniuses in marketing and sales in the Apple core has decided that in order to groove on all the new iShit you will need to buy a version 4 or have an iPhone that can take advantage of the new iOS. Apple zombies have reportedly began huddling outside of Apple stores nationwide in early anticipation.
Hoping you can do some stupid shit like video conferencing? Well, best have a pal with a version 4. Want to multi-task? You suckers with a 3G can forget about it apparently. That is my biggest gripe with the iPhone BTW. The propeller heads at Apple are supposed to be so fucking genius yet it took them to version 4 to get multi-tasking?And my 3G phone can never do more than one thing at a time. Pure shit man.
The iPhone 4 screen is supposed to be able to melt your iris in pleasure. Yahoo’s live blog said the resolution is better than the eye can see. So what’s the fucking point. Oh excuse me, it’s called a “retina display”.
They finally got a decent camera added to the damn thing. About time. 5 megapixels for anyone that is interested. Like every other phone hasn’t had 5 megapixels for 3 years already.
Netflix is preparing to deliver movies to your iPhone. Streaming. Um, first of all how is that going to square with AT&T’s new pricing structure. They have eliminated all you can eat for new subscribers. A couple of movies and you have burned through your web surfing allotment. But seriously, watching movies on a 2×3 screen? They are talking about a book reader too. The screen better be damn impressive.
And that’s another thing. I love to read. Love it. But I’d sooner buy a used book or check one out at the library than pay for an online version of it. It’s too damn expensive.
I hate Apple. I cannot wait until I can sling this iPhone into the recycle barrel and get another phone. I will sooner strap a mainframe on my back before I buy an iPad. You all can gee whiz at the excitement of tilting your head downward and tapping on some fucking screen from the likes of a greedy and arrogant outfit like Apple. They will get no more of my money. I don’t care if the iPad develops booster rockets so you can plant your ass on the screen while it jets you to the Apple store for retina replacements. I will delight in being the only human on this planet who has no use for an Apple product.
I wonder how Apple is figuring out how to fuck you all for their next release? You early adapters will be cycling through iPhones every 6 months to keep up with all the shit they should add to the iOS in the first place. You’re telling me those propellar heads at Apple can’t figure out how to make a 3G multi-task while making sure the 3GS has that capability? They are just trying to force people to cycle through these phones each year. Think of all the iPads that are headed to the recycle bin by Christmas because they will release some new version before then that will have a dual screen built in or a pop up camera or HDMI inputs or some shit that they didn’t put in the version that you stood in line 7 hours for. I refuse to play Apple’s game.
And it’s not all about Apple and all their gee-whiz toys. It’s about this industry. Two-year contracts. Screw. That. No more. It’s about horrible network service. Crap reliability. Life has become nothing but a bunch of zombies peering down at some 2×3 screen tapping away. Now they’ve made it bigger. Oh joy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my 16 year old daughter pick up the phone and have a normal telephone conversation with a friend. Ever. Everywhere you go someone is making sweet love to their handheld device. Tap, tap, tap. It’s like you have vast numbers of people disconnecting from reality and entering their own virtual world of music, games, tweets, email, GPS, text messages, etc (he says as he types away at his blog).
Granted I like the capability of using the device when I’m waiting on the marital unit to finish shopping. I can check email or read tweets or check the Drudge Report or something similar. I can stream talk shows at work since they block streaming audio. That’s all fine. It can be good. But I will find a different phone to provide those options. And I’d like to jettison AT&T as well.
We went to New Orleans for a quick trip a few months ago. Shitty over-rated town in my opinion but I did like the WW2 museum. When I was in school I enjoyed heading down with friends for Mardi Gras, but going down with the family and hanging out made me realize how gross the town is. Anyway, I took the iPhone on its first big trip since getting it as a gift from the marital unit for Christmas. There were a lot of deadzones as we made out way through Alabama going down and back up Mississippi coming home. ATT’s coverage sucks ass. I could have barely made a phone call if I needed to.
Everything the iPhone/iPad can do I have been able to do for over 5 years at home. Phone calls. Video. Multi-task. Surf the web sewers. I have an outstanding DSLR for taking photos. It even does HD video. I had a dinky but great working cell phone that cost $20 on eBay, before the iPhone purchase, that sounded way better , that died after crashing my mountain bike in a creek and it got wet.
Apple didn’t invent these capabilities. They squeezed them into an impossible sized gizmo. Whoopee. Apple zombies of the world unite.
In closing, note that Android has a fast closing 10% worldwide market share versus iPhone’s 15%. I’m no fan of Google but at least their product is open. And I believe that the iPad’s competitors are going to be badass. That market is not going to be as far behind as it was with the iPhone versus the rest of the smartphone makers. The limitations of the iPad are going to soon be very apparent.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Splork,
Man, You nailed it!
I have wanted to write a post about Apple like this for a while now, ever since my wife got me an iPod touch (3g!) for our anniversary last year. What an underwhelming ho-hum piece of iCrap.
I used to love Apple. But then they come out with the pathetically horrible OSX, designed like a bad MySpace acid trip and taking away features they had since OS1.
About that same time, every time they came out with a new computer (G4, etc.) or other semi cool product, they would find some way to cripple or otherwise rat-f**k it. Things like no eject button on the CD tray; no audio capability, silly-ass monitor connectors that require adapters to use any normal monitor. I could go on. And on.
iPad? I’m stunned that anyone would actually pay money for one. I’m sure you must have seen the Hitler/ipad youtube videos. But check this out – done a couple years ago:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsjU0K8QPhs&playnext_from=TL&videos=tjqTPiObEOw
I hate Apple too.
Scott
iCrap is a status symbol that jails you in proprietary Apple land. All you need to tighten the proprietary noose around your neck is to buy a Saturn automobile where you can only buy replacement parts through the dealer.
Thankfully by learning through others, I have never bought an Apple product or a Saturn.
Dude, you should get the MacBook Wheel.
Oh, here is the video. Isn’t working for me in Internet Explorer 8, but does work in Mozilla.
http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/
A first gen iphone can multitask if you jailbreak it…
This post makes me so very happy.
I think I will set it as my homepage and read it every morning.
I will print out a copy and tape it to the fridge.
I will make copies and hand them out at the local Apple store.
Apple products are built for ridiculously short lifespans. The hordes of mindless Apple fanzombies will continually buy the new upgrades like good little drones every year. It’s really pathetic that a company cannot create a product that is meant to LAST… You know, like the washer/dryer your Grandmother has had since 1952.
I do not, and will not ever own an Apple product. When people hear this they look at me like I am some sort of freak. I refuse to become one of the mindless masses who purchases “sexy” products that are VASTLY inferior to their non-proprietary competition.
Whew! That felt good…
ipad as seen on TV New Outlets (CNN) as breaking all the sales forecasts in a positive way caught my brow raising as in “SPIN”
A friend of mine and I were talking about the ipad being so F-IN Big! we humans are pocket fit creatures. Can one stick it into a pocket. Portability is key!
Our opinion was that Ipads were going to be a flop? Reaching into a pocket to get a phone call or helping to remember specific shopping items, and email or so is OK! Beyond that Im not going to take that big GODZILLA out around town and do my SHTICK and read a book/surf the net.